He was brushing his teeth and looking at himself in his bathroom mirror, admiring himself, complacently. His youth till had not left him, even at this age. It was something that he had always taken pride in. Compliments from others had often pertained to how young he was and how thick his hair was and how fit he had managed to keep himself all these years. He was often asked how he managed to keep himself so well and fit.
He had become someone he never thought he'd become. The transformation was so ironic considering his constant resistance to becoming this way. Half of his persona danced with the darkness of the night. This would become obvious when he would just loose himself at times and think haphazard thoughts of revenge and hate and smile at the pleasure he got from such thoughts. This half made him someone who was hateful and vengeful.
The light in him enabled him to use the darkness to his advantage to protect himself and those who cared for him. 'Do they really care?", he asked himself.
"But of course. You got what you asked for", was the response of the light inside him. He sneered at the naive light inside him and said, out loud, " What I want is myself and the ability to love none other than myself. What I want is the ability to be empty from the inside without you reminding me that I have light inside me. What I want is......soullessness and the ability to loose myself without drugs, narcotics or alcohol".
"Then, look within yourself. Do you feel me? Do you feel the love that you portray you have for others? Or do you love yourself and none other?"
"I feel you though I am reluctant of your existence within me. I feel you when I feel the need to manipulate others or the need to protect those who I respect. I love myself and no other human being", was his response.
And with that the light left him and his heart, allowing the darkness to engulf him. It was not as if this had not happened before. He had always faced darkness in one form or another: loneliness, hate, loathsomeness, ruthlessness, manipulation of everyone, including the light within him were merely a few examples of his experience.
What do they know?, he thought to himself, as he looked at himself in the mirror. Did any of them suffer as he did? Did any of them go through years of bad luck? Did any of them go through years of horrible experience which made him forget who he used to be?
He looked at himself in his bathroom mirror one last time and caught his true reflection as he stood in the doorway of his bathroom, between the darkness of his room and the light of the bathroom, before shutting the light: half dark and half light.He had become someone he never thought he'd become. The transformation was so ironic considering his constant resistance to becoming this way. Half of his persona danced with the darkness of the night. This would become obvious when he would just loose himself at times and think haphazard thoughts of revenge and hate and smile at the pleasure he got from such thoughts. This half made him someone who was hateful and vengeful.
The light in him enabled him to use the darkness to his advantage to protect himself and those who cared for him. 'Do they really care?", he asked himself.
"But of course. You got what you asked for", was the response of the light inside him. He sneered at the naive light inside him and said, out loud, " What I want is myself and the ability to love none other than myself. What I want is the ability to be empty from the inside without you reminding me that I have light inside me. What I want is......soullessness and the ability to loose myself without drugs, narcotics or alcohol".
"Then, look within yourself. Do you feel me? Do you feel the love that you portray you have for others? Or do you love yourself and none other?"
"I feel you though I am reluctant of your existence within me. I feel you when I feel the need to manipulate others or the need to protect those who I respect. I love myself and no other human being", was his response.
And with that the light left him and his heart, allowing the darkness to engulf him. It was not as if this had not happened before. He had always faced darkness in one form or another: loneliness, hate, loathsomeness, ruthlessness, manipulation of everyone, including the light within him were merely a few examples of his experience.
